Lunch

Ryan and I had lunch today with a friend who also has a son with a disability. I usually always enjoy these outings because there is less pressure to "fit in". This lunch outing was a little bit different than the other times we've been out because Jack was much older than Ryan, so it wasn't like a "play date", or anything. It was just a mom and son lunch x 2. This was the first time I had ever met Jack so I was looking forward to it.

Ryan is 6 years old and has been diagnosed with autism for a little over 3 years. In these 3 years, we have been in circles of families of mostly toddlers and preschoolers with disabilities. That has mainly been our bubble. I've gotten to know a few adults with disabilities here and there, but it's never been from a mothering standpoint. I guess it's always been hard for me to picture Ryan past the age of what he already is, into what life may be like for him in the future. So getting to know Jack's mom has been a real treat as I am seeing beyond my short travelled world. And getting to meet Jack proved to be an almost bigger treat (sorry Ginger!).

Being able to look at Jack without the label of being my own son, and the things that I deal with on a day to day level with him, helped to line things into a better perspective for me. Seeing him so happy and passionate about the things he enjoys really opened my eyes into the things I may not be seeing in Ryan because I am so focused on worrying where he is all the time - making sure he doesn't escape. Or being physically tired just trying to keep up with him, or emotionally tired wishing things would get easier. Seeing Jack's passions helps me see Ryan with like passions someday. Seeing that goal is something so much more positive than always being clouded with worry and fatigue. I know Ryan will outgrow a lot of his behaviors and develop interests he will carry on into his adulthood, and it's going to take me to help get him there. And I can't help him get there if I am in constant worry and tired mode.

Another thing I so appreciated about Jack was he is who he is...and that's OK! There was no trying to impress by making up a bunch of bologna. He didn't have to lie to have to cover up anything. He bore his heart, his natural charm (thumbs up!), and some of his fears and quirks all in about an hour or so of time. Because of that I found I was so much more accepting. If only the rest of the world could be that way. Could both be like Jack, and could be more accepting of others differences. Again, he is who he is and it was all OK. On the flip side, I or you, could feel totally comfortable connecting on a personal level with him - person to person, heart to heart. With Jack there is no worry of a hidden agenda - and the rest of the world sees this as "different"????? It baffles me! I see Jack's heart in Ryan, as well. I see it with us, his family, and with people he meets. He has such a big heart and he loves people.

Lunch today has made me reflect on getting back to the basics. On the outside looking in, our sons are what some would not classify as "normal", but sitting at our little booth today, at Jack's favorite restaurant, life was heartfelt and safe. How could that not be normal? At that moment, on the inside looking out, I would have to call life cruel, ignorant, and superficial. As a society, we have turned life that way, and to me, that is not normal. Society has judged people with disabilities harshly and left them out of the picture. Funny how they are the ones who have it all right. It's refreshing to see that it is slowly beginning to change.

I see what a gift our 2 boys are. Without them, how would we know what pure souls are? Thank you for lunch today and for showing me another perspective.