TN Autism Walk

On Saturday, Spetember 13, (wow, only 2 weeks away) our family will be walking in the Autism Speaks Autism Walk. We are walking on behalf of Ryan, and for the hope of what the future has to offer in terms of research and making his life, and others, an easier one. Thus, our team is called Ryan's Hope.
Autism Speaks has has been a donor to Vanderbilt for research opportunities; it is exciting to be so close to a facility that has helped open up the doors of autism. Ryan, and our familiy, have taken part in a number of research projects there to help further the cause. We have to pull the good things out of autism, and that is one of them. We have been very lucky along the way and that is just one way we can give back. It's not only for the hope of Ryan's future, but to do our part in paving the way for the ones who will come along behind him.

Here is the link to our team page, you can donate online (click on "support a walker" or one of our names), offline, or/and join us by walking next Saturday!! http://www.walknowforautism.org/siteapps/teampage/ShowPage.aspx?c=rmL7JlO5KzE&b=3752211&teamid=2718148
We are thankful for all the support we've received. Thank you for paving the way with us!

Ryan Update

I started volunteering in Ryan's class today. I was amazed and glowing when I first walked into the room and saw him working. If I had to walk in there and pick out which child had autism it would be very hard to decipher. I was there for 2 1/2 hours and saw Ryan work, walk (in the hallway), sit and follow directions INDEPENDENTLY the majority of the time. He only needed a few prompts to help him along, but he did amazingly well.
I was able to talk to his teacher for a few minutes about him. She is very pleased at how well he is doing. She even said that she has never had child with autism, like Ryan, who has adjusted so well. We both had smiles on our faces as we were watching him diligently cut out shapes on a paper and glue them. She turned to me and said, "doesn't it warm your heart when you see him doing so well?" "Yes, you'll never know how much"I said. I had no idea he would be as far as he is right now.

After talking to her I know that she accepts and understands Ryan. She knows just what kind of modifications and supports to use. She knows almost the exact point in which to engage him before he (or his mind) starts to wander. I was so glad to also see that the aide is not one of those "attached to the hip aides." She sits back and lets him work as independent as possible, but is there in the sidelines when he needs her. I got the impression that they had a mutual trust between them....almost an instinct. I could also describe it as a confidence. She is confident around Ryan and that only seeps onto him giving him that confident feeling.

I asked his teacher how Ryan is doing with hitting. She looked at me and said with a bold voice, "NEVER!" Then she retracted and said that he hit one of the aides ONCE. That is only one time in 9 days!! OMG!! That's miraculous compared to the start of school last year.
It is very obvious that we made the right choice by moving to Williamson Co. And after all the homes and other schools we checked out before we found our house, it's also obvious we fell into the perfect house with the school that is "just right!!!"

Comments!

Feedback is a good thing!

Some of you have commented about certain posts via email or phone. But didya know you can comment about a post right here? I've had some questions about it so I thought I'd make a commenting 101 post.

• If you scroll down to the bottom of the particular post you wan't to comment on, you will notice a small line that says: "posted by Amy, the date & comments".
• Click on the word "comments"
• A new page will appear with a box in the right hand corner that lets you type your comment. Under that, there are options as to how you want to sign your name. You can use your blogger id, your real name, or anonymous. (So if you really hate something I've said you can comment about it and I'll never know it was you!!!!) Err, that wasn't an invitation, though. ::wink::
• Click how you want to sign your name and then hit publish comment.
• You are good to go!!

So comment people. Now I so totally know why Ross is always pushing comments!

Happy Blogging!

Our Storybook 2000-2004

Warning: run time of video is 23 minutes!

I put this video together back in 2004. Ryan was almost 3 years old and Nathan had just turned 1. I did it as a storybook of our lives together thus far. It starts out when Dave and I first started dating thru 2004. I guess it may be time to do the next 4 years.

I just love pictures, movies and memories. To travel back in time and relive certain events through film is almost as good (or bad considering what event) as it was the first time.

I did this video just after we learned Ryan had autism. It was a difficult time in life. Doing the video helped me remember, and more importantly appreciate, the good times. I think I was trying to cling on to all of the pre-autism days that I could. It worked becuase I ended up falling in love with my family all over again and it charged my heart for a few more go rounds with life.

This is proof for me how important and effective letting go of the bad and keeping the good is.

The Parrot

Those that know Ryan know that he is a little parrot. I didn't realize just how much until he started saying those lovely cuss words that are used quite often. The first word started when we had folks working on our house, and one of them bumped their heads, and out came that word- $hit....really the only word that makes one feel better in those moments! Ryan thought he was hot stuff once he started repeating it. During that time I tried to replace the word "sugar" instead, but he didn't buy it.

I've had to be real mindful to watch my mouth following this incident. I haven't been as successful as I would have liked. He's added another one to his vocabulary. Just in time for school to start too! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I don't get a note sent home from his teacher.

When I took this video I did it in way that he wouldn't know I was doing it so as not to encourage him even more.

Mom's Memorial

The 2 biggest projects we have left on the house (thought we were done, huh?) are painting the upstairs and landscaping. I can handle the painting no prob...I just need a few days (not necessarily back to back) where I can tackle it without little fingers that are prone to touching it! The landscaping, however, has been the biggest giant. I come from a line of not-so-green-thumbers, so I already have that not going for me. Not only that, but I've had very little experience of my own growing things. Dave and I did manage to keep our Azalea bushes alive at our old house, but we are talking only 4 bushes!

I spent a couple of hours at Home Depot last week going over my options. I'll soon start doing my google search on landscaping and then get down to it. I'm feeling somewhat confident about it. We'll see.

In the meantime, though, it is time to get serious about planting the hydrangea bush that we took with us from our old house. This bush came from my mom's memorial service after she died. I planted it (with success) after she died so I would have a constant living memory of her. When we sold our house I knew that plant had to come with us. So a couple of weeks before our move date, I dug it up and replanted it in a planter for transport to it's new home. Because we were so up in the air about how to landscape our new home, this plant sat (growing, mind you) in the planter patiently waiting. It survived the shock of being transported quite nicely. I was very impressed. I guess so impressed that it made me in less of a hurry to get it back into the ground.

Knowing that cooler weather and better planting season was approaching, I started pondering where this memorial shrub might go. I thought I had chosen the perfect spot for it by our fence in the backyard. I wanted it to be all alone so it would have room to grow and bloom pretty purple flowers. So one day last week I got out my shovel, gloves, hose and planter and planted her in the ground, in her own memorial spot. But the more I looked at that plant all alone by the fence where we would barely ever get to see her, the more it nagged at me that that was not the best spot.

I sat on it for a couple of days UNTIL I glanced up and snuck a peek at what truly was the best spot. Next to our newly built storage shed. My wheels began to turn and I soon envisioned a memorial garden. A garden dedicated to my mother in her memory. A place where I could go to remember her and feel close to her. What made it even more special was the fact that this spot enabled the shrub and memorial garden to look down on the boys playing. It overlooks the boys swingset, trampoline and whole backyard. "How perfect", is how my mom would reply to that!

So for the past few days I have been starting on this memorial for her. I planted her shrub, and a couple other lilly plants, and purchased a few accesories to go in it. My favorite one is a statue of 2 boy cherubs. To me, they represent my boys. They are standing tall right next to her living memory.

My next effort will be finishing planting other flowers, widening it, getting a border in and putting mulch down. Followed by finding a stone or plaque that I can have engraved as mom's memorial.

I'll update pictures as progress is made.

proud momma moment

An email I received from Ryan's teacher on only the 4th day of school....
I tried to catch you when you picked Ryan up yesterday. I wanted to tell you how well he has done. He has adjusted very well, is following class directions and completing his work with minimal prompting. I am enjoying having him in my class.

first day of school

I feel like I am on cloud 9. No.....Cloud 99!

Today was the first day of school in our new county. Ryan entered 1st grade, and Nathan went into Pre-K again, as he misses the kindergarten cutoff by 2 weeks. I've had some mixed emotions about school starting. Part of me was counting down the days until I had some free "me time" again. I couldn't wait for that!!!! The other part of me was extremely nervous over the "what ifs" of another new school, and if we would have a repeat of last year.

Just knowing that we are in Williamson Co. helped to silence some of those fears, but the fact that they really didn't know Ryan here, and wondering if he would have transition problems, at first, really made me a bit anxious.

Last year started out soooo bad. Granted, after Ryan''s aide came (who had worked with Ryan & Nathan in the past), things really turned around for the better. Enough so to earn him "most improved student" for the second grading period. But because Ryan had such a hard time transitioning, they thought that was reflective on how Ryan would be for the rest of the year. They also were not used to working with kids with autism in the typical class setting. In Nashville, most of the kids like Ryan end up in segregated classes, therefore most teachers don't get the needed experience. I am proud that Ryan, and his aide Sarah, really turned into teachers themselves and taught great lessons in tolerance and just how far people can go when you give them a chance. When we left last year, everyone was disappointed that Ryan would not be back. Literally everyone in the school fell in love with him. Ryan has such charm and personable skills that you just can't help but.

The start of this school year, though, I was not thinking of how Ryan wooed everyone in the end. I was remembering how it started. I was remembering how they made us to feel like we had a monster instead of a son. And then praying that the gains that Ryan made last year would carry over throughout the summer, giving him better coping skills for yet another transition.

Seeing how excited he has been this past week, or so, and seeing the anticipation he had this morning over going back to school, gave me a lot of reassurance that he was at least wanting to get back on track from where he left off last year. I had to hang on to that as we left the house and pulled into the school. I had to tell myself to focus my attention to that positive, instead of remembering the negatives. That alone gave me the strength to walk into school without a chip or fear of failure on my shoulder. Once we got into the school it all went so fast that I didn't have time to have even a minute minute of fear. To say that Ryan was happy to be back in school would be an understatement. He totally fell back in place...even without his beloved Sarah. He went right to his desk, spoke to his teachers, upon command, without having to be prompted, and just looked 100% at ease. To look at him it would have been very hard to tell that he moved into a brand new house (first time to move) just 2 1/2 months ago. He's had so many transitions in a short period of time, but he's done an incredible job in adjusting. Today was proof.

After we left Ryan, to take Nathan to his school, I couldn't help but think of how wonderful and smooth it went compared to last year. I thought back on the first day of school last year. Ryan could not stay at school due to the central office overlooking paperwork and not appointing an assistant to help him. And how he ended up missing almost the first week of school because of that. Then once they did get "someone" out to help him they ended up doing more harm than good because they were not trained in how best to work with him. I think we went through a good 2 months of anxiety before Ryan's permanent aide came and turned things around.

In essence, we went from Ryan having to leave school the first day last year, due to no aide, to being greeted by the student support teacher AND 2 aides WAITING just for him this year!! To see that they were ready for him, felt comfortable with him and showed confidence in working with kids with autism made me feel completely 100% comfortable leaving him. Throughout the morning, though, Dave and I found ourselves asking "I wonder how Ryan is doing?" When I pulled into the school at 12:00 to pick him up, after his first half day, I noticed that a part of me got that anxious feeling I had last year when I pulled into the school during that awful time. There were hardly ever any good reports then, and all I had to look forward to was that Ryan was not being given the boot on that day! What a tremendous relief and smile on my face when I was greeted by a smiling Ryan AND a smiling support teacher saying, "it's been a fantastic day!" The FIRST day! The first day at a new school, in a new district, with brand new teachers and staff!

Words cannot describe how proud of Ryan I was. The amount of pride, joy and relief I felt are just beyond my ability to express. However, after talking to a couple of friends of mine afterward, they both commented on hearing it in my voice. I hope that was the case.

My plan was to take the boys home and fix them lunch after school, but after a day like that, they deserved an outing of pancakes and chocolate milk! That was one of the best lunches the 3 of us have ever had together.

As far as Nathan's day went. He went to school for an hour of orientation and loved it! It seemed like a small world when we walked into his class and were greeted by Nathan's teacher who already knew him! She did her internship at Vanderbilt when Nathan was a student there 2 years ago. In fact, she worked with the aide (Sarah) that Ryan had last year when Sarah was at Vandy teaching. The full circle of all of this is really pretty awesome...given that we are now in a totally different school district over 30 miles away. And I mean full circle in literal terms...the house we bought is on Winners Circle Place!

Going full circle (or in some cases not) was totally worth the trip!

CVS

We usually do most of our pharmacy shopping through Walmart, Kroger or Walgreens, but after finding this I think we will switch to CVS. I love that they support and want to educate about the benefits of inclusion in the community.

Quote from the CEO:
We are committed to the healthy development of children by supporting programs that promote inclusive learning and play opportunities for children of all abilities through our new philanthropic initiative CVS Caremark All Kids Can.
- Tom Ryan, CEO, CVS/pharmacy

Website:

http://www.cvscaremarkallkidscan.com/index.php

Stop the Stereotypes

I've been encouraged by how society is slowly changing when it comes to people with disabilities, stereotypes towards them, and just general respect. That is....until this.....

Please DO NOT contribute to this movie in anyway by going to see it in theatres, renting it from Blockbuster, or reserving it on Netflix. This is very demeaning and a sick portrayal of people with intellectual disabilities. And to go as far as use the "R" word on the title cover is an ignorant and shameful way to promote a movie. The movie is called Tropic Thunder.

On a personal note....before having Ryan, I would have been somebody who would have probably gone to see this movie just by the actors that are in it. I would have probably laughed at the joke lines and the making fun. But now that I have a son who some would (have probably already called) call the "R" word, it is no laughing matter. I got my education the hard way when it comes to accepting and seeing people with disabilites through different eyes. Ryan and others with intellectual/developmental disabilities have a heart and soul just like we do. They are no more less of a person just because their brain works a little differently, or because of their disability. They are entitled to live with acceptance, respect and dignity. A movie like this sets all of that back for them. Ryan has a tough road ahead of him as he grows. By movies like this coming out, that road could potentially be harder. My hope would be that everyone that personally knows Ryan, or somebody else with a disability, that they would spread the good things about him/them and stop the stereotypes.

SHOCKING! Summer Movie: "Once Upon a Time...There was a Retard"


SOURCE: Pat Bauer, http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?e=001HF0gZ9CRScxedeLDH-j8fNLlpQuUDVAoTMAdo0TCxv2risLee4F3muPm84FGHBssvaURp23HdAKG1AS1ww4mglj1BkA2cbNJVecMNIZ1NAz4SN9UEEf9sQ==Trailers for "Tropic Thunder," a big budget summer comedy/action/adventure movie due out August 13, don't make mention of Ben Stiller's role as the lead actor in "Simple Jack" - a movie-within-the-movie that makes prolific use of the word "retard" and plays into hurtful stereotypes.

Created by DreamWorks Pictures, "Tropic Thunder" features performances by Jack Black, Robert Downey, Jr., and Ben Stiller as actors who are filming a war movie on location. Stiller's character plays Tugg Speedman, an action star whose fame is fading and who failed in his bid for an Oscar starring as "Simple Jack," a man with an intellectual disability who can speak to animals.

"Simple Jack" is featured as a film within "Tropic Thunder" in which Stiller wears an institutional bowl haircut and bad teeth. The movie within the movie has its own marketing website, featuring the "movie" poster slogan "Once upon a time...There was a retard" and the overall slogan of "What he doesn't have in his head, he makes up for in his heart." One of the fake "critics" of the "movie" on this marketing site critiques Speedman's performance as "one of the most retarded performances in cinema history."

While the studio may claim this is all meant as comedic reference to Hollywood films that starred non-disabled actors in disabled roles (Forrest Gump, Rain Man, etc.), lots of folks aren't laughing, including the 14.3 million Americans with cognitive disabilities, their friends, and families.

A clip of the movie and an unofficial transcript is available on the JFActivist blog.

(WARNING: Much of the dialogue contains offensive language)

living gracefully

This is such a great quote to digest.

"Life is not about answers....It is about learning to live in the middle of complete uncertainty and doing so gracefullly."