Past Present and Future

Lately I have been earnestly seeking God, and trying to work through issues that I know bog me down and make me want to run from Him.  It seems like whenever I do though, my past comes up.  There are things in there I've tried to escape my whole life, and I say, "but God do we have to go there?  I'm not ready for that yet."  I have a pattern in life of escaping and numbing to avoid  issues.  However, this time I'm determined to push through.  I won't give up, and I don't want to escape either.  Escaping and giving up look like the same thing, but not always.  In my mind I don't think I'm ready to deal with certain things, but if God keeps bringing it up, I know He thinks otherwise.

And I know that He won't always keep us from pain and suffering, but He will help us get through it.
Romans 5:1-5 says:

 5 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b]boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

So in those times when I think "I can't" or "it hurts" or "I'm scared"  I have to remember that...
1. He knows my heart.
2. He want's what's best for me
3. He knows more than me.
4. He sent a helper for me in the Holy Spirit and
5. He loves me more than anyone else could.

I also have to ask myself what do I really want?  Do I really want to keep going around the wilderness hiding and escaping from pain, only to find that probably created additional pain by avoiding?  It takes courage, and it takes God's timing for us to be ready to face difficult things, but there's hope at the end if we are just willing to say "I can."  Even if we are afraid, it's better to do it afraid than not do it at all.



This evening my sister in law said something so very profound to me.  She said  "Sometimes our past rules our present to the point that there is no future."  Wow!  I love deep stuff like that.  I knew when she said it that I wanted to break it down and blog about it. If I had an image to go along with that quote I think I woud chose someone trying so hard to cross a lake full of quicksand.  Once you're in the lake that's it, its a do or die moment.  There's not really any turning back, it's already happened so you try and try with all your might to get across, but every muck filled step is a struggle until eventually you drown and you have no future.  This person stuck in the quicksand is also too proud to ask for help, in their own mind they believe they can do it on their own.

 In reality though, if they would only call out for help there would be a way of escape and backtracking.  Backtracking....wait a minute!!  Think of that word and apply it to things not dealt with in your past.  God is so full of grace and mercy that He allows us to go back to that place only to come out a better person.  A healed person, and a whole person.  Thus, instead of struggling through quicksand we now find ourself going forward to our new presents, one that is filled with glorious running shoes, hitting the most perfect texture of ground, each step closer and closer to the future!



So what's my choice going to be?  Do I want to choose mirky quicksand, or do I want to hit the ground running? (no pun inteded 😉)  As hard as it all is, I must reach out, take God's hand and trust where He is leading me.  I know that I know He won't lead me through quicksand.  Even though its umcomfortable at time,s the suffering and pain He guides us through is only temporary.  And the best part is because of His goodnes,s there will be joy in the end.

The other thing that is important to remember is that in our minds we think we cant do certain things, so we escape.  When we escape there's something in us that perceives we are walking away from something that feels threatening.  But that's not who God is.  Theres' a scripture in John that I really love that talks about His peace vs. the worlds peace.  In my own wee bitty brain I think I'm gaining peace by escapping the threat, but that's a lie.  Jesus told us He left HIS peace here for us.  It's a peace that if we could only grasp and cling to it, will get us through.  God works in the supernatural, not the natural.

I wrote this as an encourager for myself, but I hope it also encouraged you.  Don't give up....ever!  And when you're tempted to escape, just remember the quicksand and how it leaves your future bleak.  Cling to Him, cling to the things He's given us as reminders of His love, and His help.  Then picture the runner, full of grace and stamina, heading towards their future!

The Prayer Box

Today Dave and I were able to get away for a morning date where we went out for breakfast and then strolled through the shops of downtown Franklin, TN.  While in one of the shops this little box caught my eye.  The outside was decorated in fabric and ribbon, and simply said "prayer box" on the top.  I opened it to find it was filled with a small pad of paper, a pen, and a message.....this message...

How cute, I thought.  And all day long my thought's about this simple little box have been growing and growing.  Until, now, here I sit, with my Bible open, a study guide open, and my heart open.  Even as I sit here it is growing,.  I hope that it's open enough to stretch to my fingertips, spilling out the lesson God has conveyed to me in through this little box.

When I first opened my Bible today I began looking at the word "request."  It led me to the book of Esther, to Esther 5: 3.

Then the King asked, "What is it, Queen Esther?  What is your request?  Even up to half the Kingdom, it will be given you."

But to know the story of Esther you really should backtrack from this verse, from the point where she  first apporached the King.
 You see, Esther was an orphan, a Jewish orphan in fact,  who at that point in time was trusted very little.  She was adopted by her cousin, Mordecai.  At this point in her life she didn't have much worth, or didn't see her own beauty the way others did.  But Mordeecai encouraged her and she grew in grace and beauty.  Not only her outer beauty, but inner beauty, despite her own insecurities caused by damaged emotions from her past.
Eventually Esther was put in a court to be picked by the King to be the next queen.  And Esther was chosen! The Bible tells us that Esther competed with many other women to become the next queen, but it was God's favor upon her that allowed an orphaned Jewish girl to be picked.  It's our hearts God is most interested in, not in our performance, or false expectations we, or others, may have. I have so many insecurties myself that I all too often fall into the trap of trying to please people, or doing whatever it takes for people to like me.  Esther was chosen by God, in his timing, not of any works of her own, but by favor.

 In chapter 4  we learn that plans are in place to kill all Jews. At this point the king did not know that Esther herself was a Jew, the same people he just agreed to destroy.  Mordecai found ways to beg Esther to go to the king on their behalf. This was a huge thing to ask of her.  Back then nobody went to the king unless they were summoned, and if they did do it they could be put to death.  And yes, this even meant the Queen.  But Esther agreed.  The same person who helped her grow into her beauty and grace also helped her grow into her courage. I imagine she held a lot of respect and trust for Mordecai that made it easier for her to make this decision.  Not anybody who isn't anybody in my life is going to convince me to be that courageous!!
 In  Chapter 4:14 it tells us that Mordecai tells Esther "you have come into a royal position for such a time as this."  Wow...what a weight to carry...and what courage it took to agree to carry it out.   I don't know about you, but I have all too often doubted who I was.  Doubted why I was made and placed here on earth.  In fact, even had anger towards my parents for having me.  Except I know those are the damaged emotions talking because in my spirit I courageously can hear .... "for such a time as this....."

I may not be able to see it now, and I may have to let it sink in, but I HAVE to believe that I was placed here for such a time as this.  I have to believe that God has a plan for me, His chosen, to be placed here preciesely as He sees fit.  One of the things that you and I get to claim, that Esther was not able to, is that we have been redeemed by Christ.  Because he has already died for us, we are part of his bloodline saved and redeemed by the very blood.  Those damaged emotions that Esther could have given in to, that I too often have fallen trap to,  are the same ones that try and rob us of  life and a future.  But like Esther, I am chosen, and like Esther, the more I live by my heart and courage, the more those damaged emotions will be covered up by beauty.

Now lets go back to the part of the story where the king asks Esther what her request was.  Can you imagine the doubt and fear she's had to stand against just to get to this point?  She's even had to put on special robes just to be in the kings presence (in his inner courts.)  As soon as the king saw her the Bible says he was pleased.  Let that sink in.....imagine all of the waring we do within our own minds, but when God looks within us He is pleased.  It says then that the King extended his gold scepter (royal or imperial power or authority; sovereignty) out to Esther, and she approached him and touched it.  How often has God extended out His favor and acceptance on us but we've been too afraid to approach Him?

This is the part of Esthers story I'll end at for now.   When I saw this box today I thought it was awfully cute, but before sitting down to study the word "request" I knew that I had been allowing damaged emotions and my past, to hinder me from stepping forward and accepting his invitation to touch his authority or sovereignty (or prayer box).  It's all too easy to write something down on a piece of paper and then close the box.  But doing it with courage, leading with my heart, and believing that I've been chosen for His soverreignty is when God is really free to answer my prayer.

Phillippians 4:6

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."